7-2-12/Enough Already

Okay, they said there would be bumps in the roads. I get that. I am, however, ¬†getting sick of potholes that prevent me from reaching my destination – some consistent level of health. Not even great health – just consistent health. My standards are lowering by the day.   I was back at Yale today … Continue reading

6-30-2012/Home

I came home from the hospital this afternoon and proceeded to sleep the day away. Hospitals are not the best places to rest as they are always talking to/sticking/poking/pulling, etc on you. You might sleep 10 hours, but never in a row.   I am still in a lot of pain, but the tramidol is … Continue reading

6-23-12/I Can’t Do This Again

I am really struggling. I don’t know if I can muster the strength to go through this AGAIN!   I know I don’t have a choice – and everyone keeps reminding me that – as if it helps. However, in many ways, I feel worse than going into the last surgery. Physically better overall, but … Continue reading

6-21-12/Overwhelmed – Don’t underestimate the mental drain

Today was supposed to be the surgery. I am glad it got moved so both top surgeons could be on the case, but part of me just wants this over with.   I am so overwhelmed from this hanging over me and knowing that my life – in a best case scenario – cannot return … Continue reading

6-18-12/Depression

I have tried to stay positive and when possible, laugh about the situation. This weekend, I hit a wall. I am deeply depressed.   Do I know it could be worse? Yes. Do I know others have it worse? Yes. Does that matter right now? Not really.   I can barely get out of bed … Continue reading

6-8-12/Exhaustion

The emotional and physical stress is taking its toll.   Emotionally, I have the likelihood of another surgery hanging over my head. That alone is overwhelming. On top of that, I still have the drain in me.   This wednesday they pull the nephrostomy tube and stent back a little and look at the ureter. … Continue reading